A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime
Brian Clough's worse than the rain in Manchester. At least God stops that occasionally
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon
Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one
Woman are intoxicants enough without the hard stuff. Of Course, Woman are usually the reason we resort to the hard stuff though.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my room
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
Its much easier 2 turn frienship in2 luv that it is 2 turn luv in2 friendship.
Inasmuch as the earth is 2/3 water and 1/3 land, it is clear that our time should be divided. 2/3 fishing and 1/3 work.
I'm only driving this way to piss you off.
How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
It must be a day off in heaven for an angel like you to be amongst us.
Fat people are hard to kidnap.
My IQ came back negative!
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.
I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
If you don't fail at least 90 percent of the time, you're not aiming high enough.
A new point of view is worth 80 IQ points
The real romance is out ahead and yet to come. The computer revolution hasn't started yet. Don't be misled by the enormous flow of money into bad defacto standards for unsophisticated buyers using poor adaptations of incomplete ideas
Smoking can kill. If your dead, youve lost a very important part of your life.
Smoking can kill. If your dead, you've lost a very important part of your life.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
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