Don’t talk to me I ran out of aspirin.
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend
I may look busy, but I'm just confused.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth
Money is just the poor man's credit card
Humor is just another defense against the universe
I would give you a piece of my mine but I don’t have enough to spare.
I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger--Franklin P. Jones
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
I can resist everything except temptation.
I can resist everything except temptation
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
You sure are a masterpiece.
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice.
Good company on the road is the shortest cut.
Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!
Nobody plans to fail they just fail to plan.
Life is like a box of shit. You know what you are getting and it stinks!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
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