The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Most people call them overbearing, loud, unreasonable, sadistic, hypocrites but I like to call them my parents.
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Some people are afraid of heights.I'm afraid of widths.
Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy
Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional
Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will
My only flaw is that I'm perfect.
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?
The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps
A man explained inflation to his wife thus:'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'
why are black people so good at playing basketball?
because they can run, jump, shoot, and steal.
The more you listen, the more you know.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.
Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?!?!?!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes.
Life's way too short to stay on topic
By the way the light is hitting your eyes, I can see myself in them, and damn, I look good!.
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.
I'm always amazed that people will actually choose to sit in front of the television and just be savaged by stuff that belittles their intelligence.
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
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