what do black people and sperm have in common...
only one out of a million work.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.--Joel, 14, Advice from Kids
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman
will
pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what a tough week for the network. First, the false documents on President Bush's National Guard record and now this. CBS says they have learned their lesson: no more trying to expose boobs
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
He's the kind of guy that when he dies, he's going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald
They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the lights off.
David Beckham won't go to Newcastle after what the Toon Army did in Asia.
When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I believe in getting in hot water
How may i ignore you today?
Talk only if you can improve on the silence.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy
Know what I like best about you baby? You haven't maced me yet.
Yesterday I knew nothing today I know that.
No matter how bad it gets, It can always get worse.
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
Hey, come here often? You could, with me.
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
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